Many people start blogs as a creative outlet for sharing their passions and reaching out to help others by sharing their advice and vast knowledge on an any given topic. Add to that the potential for making a very comfortable living doing what they love, and it’s easy to see why so many are eager to try their hand at blogging.
I’ve spent several years following many talented writers who regularly crank out thought-provoking, valuable content-rich posts on a weekly basis, quickly and insightfully responding to questions and comments from their knowledge-hungry readers. But really, who has time for that?
Let’s be real. Blogging requires hard work, dedication and organization and honestly, wouldn’t you rather be vegged out in front of the TV or tucked away in your bed, dreaming your life away? Of course you would, and I know a few cats who would agree with you. But what do you do when you find that you’re caught up in that exhausting cycle of writing, publishing, promoting and engaging? When the freedom from the 9 to 5 office grind has got you totally regretting that impromptu beach trip with your family?
Well today’s your lucky day, because I’m here to share with you (with the help of a few of my feline [mostly] friends) several fool-proof ways to disengage with your audience, slow down or stop your production and ensure that your audience and profits will drop faster than the speed of light!
You remember how it was before you started your own blog, right? You lurked for months or more in the blogosphere, perusing the comments sections and related social media posts, looking for answers to questions that you yourself were afraid to ask. I get it. You’re a bit shy at times and people can be scary, so the less risk you take by immersing yourself in social engagement with readers and fellow bloggers, the better. And if it ain’t broke… After all, networking is overrated and you surely wouldn’t want to risk drawing attention and traffic to your brand or the posts you’ve worked so hard to write. We’ll talk more about writing posts in a moment. But first:
Nothing you have to say is really important, so why bother sharing who you really are with your readers? Valuable information is valuable information whether it’s doled out in a way that amuses or in a way that bores, and since you don’t really owe anybody a damn thing, don’t feel bad about lulling your readers into a snooze fest with your monotonous writing style. After all, if you really wanted people to get a feel for your down-to-earth nature, delightful humor or scathing whit, you likely would have tried your hand at stand-up comedy, not incorporate these charming qualities into your writing, amiright?
You’ve heard the saying: “Opinions are like _____ …” It seems everybody’s got one and can’t wait to share it, whether you want to hear it or not. Screw them. This is your blog and you can run it any way you like. That a few well-meaning readers might have a question about, or an alternate perspective on something you’ve written does not obligate you to engage in respectful mature debate. And who would blame you for giving the occasional dissenter a real piece of your mind? In fact, the sense of security and anonymity the internet offers can be a real advantage when the urge strikes to respond with contempt to anyone who dares exhibit a thought that conflicts with your own. This strategy is guaranteed to drop your readership, too. It’s a win‑win!
As pointed out above, dazzling others with your winning personality and engaging with your readers and fellow bloggers is a lot of work that takes time away from other activities you could be doing, like napping or bingeing on your favorite Netflix Original show. Happily, this problem is best solved by becoming lax in your blog output all together. By simply learning to prioritize in a way that allows you to be inefficient and maximize the precious time wasted, you’ll soon lose inspiration and ambition, run out of ideas for blog posts and eventually be free of those pesky readers who’ve kept your analytics counter moving north. So free yourself of the guilt you’ve been carrying around the past couple of months because you’ve neglected your writing and embrace your MIA status with open arms. Your conscience will thank you.
Despite employing all of the above, is entirely possible that you will find yourself with a few remaining blog subscribers or readers. Whether these hangers-on are the result of loyalty or the consequence of being too lazy to click the “unsubscribe” link, don’t despair. Their small number won’t bring you enough troublesome traffic to warrant any profit. Just the same, these too are handled with comparable ease as the above-listed steps. Are you ready for it? Simply walk away. Resign your blog to the vast graveyard of dashed hopes and save yourself the hassle of checking your blog dash for comments, keeping up the social media accounts or the expense of a domain and monthly hosting. You’re in good company. One New York Times article cited that 95% of blogs go belly up. That’s huge. Why should you stand apart from the others? You’ve got nothing to prove. Soon you’ll be free to spend your time doing the things you really love. Your couch awaits.