I haven’t felt much like writing these days, and I’ve found myself feeling guilty over it. In analyzing the matter, I think that I’m just expecting too much from myself. I mean that in the fact that I am really afraid to put myself out there. I find even after I write a blog post, I review and revise, and review and revise some more. Nothing I write is ever good enough. I start out with raw emotional material and rework it until I feel it resembles something I feel that someone else might want to read; not necessarily how I really want to express myself.
I came to this realization after watching a video by a really great and funny YouTuber who goes by the name Crabstickz. He recently acknowledged his frustration over his apparent fear of authenticity and I realized that I have been essentially viewing my posts in the same light. While far from perfect, I’m still spending way too much time agonizing over the quality of my writing and less time just communicating to those gracious enough to read my blog. This is definitely slowing down my output and as an added consequence, giving me an excuse (albeit a lame one) to put off really giving my all to getting healthy. This also tells me that my motives for getting into shape are not healthy either. If I’m truly dedicated to losing weight, gaining strength and being healthy, what I write or don’t write shouldn’t matter, and whether or not you read this won’t make a bit of difference, right? These are just some of the thoughts that keep me up at night.
Tomorrow I will be posting an update, picture and numbers included, of my weight loss status, no matter the result. I’ve been eating fairly healthy, but I’ve definitely not been stringent in my diet or exercise. I’ve been eating protein and salads, juicing grapefruits and still drinking a lot of water. I’ve also had the occasional sugar (cake, cookies). It’s so hard for me to stop that. I’ve also been pretty lax in my exercise the past two weeks. I’ve exercised a few times, maybe four? I haven’t made a habit of it.
So that’s what’s been going on (or not) on my end. I will be posting, like I said, an update tomorrow of my slow-going weight loss journey. Until then, have a wonderful day!